Celebrating Small Wins

When you are mourning a living child, holidays can be especially hard. Triggering. It can hurt so much that despite the blog you poured your heart into, it never got posted. For me, this year, it has been Mother’s Day, Memorial’s Day, and the Fourth of July that were particularly hard for me.  Not to mention to the history lesson and celebration of my family’s culture for Juneteenth. But in the midst of all the grief, to keep fighting and keeping on, alienated parents, we have to occupy the voids of time with memories that we can hopefully share with our babies one day. 

Loud noises are a trigger for me. I might as well be a poodle terrified when fireworks are being set off. For hours I laid in my bed jumping and deep breathing when it hit me. Did Reign get to see fireworks today? The environment he is in protects abusers and could care less if a child has an ounce of fun or happiness. It’s an environment where adults are not abusive but self-serving and the welfare failures of this case have directly impacted my child’s childhood memories. So. What did Mama Bear do on the hottest day in our city midst a power cottage She medicated and went outside to record the beautiful fireworks my neighbor’s family let off this year. 

I felt a mixture of emotions. I felt blessed to have the strength to continue a fight. That I have the Faith of a mustard seed left to get through and that my God is going to intervene in all this. I felt sad that Reign could not see in person fireworks of that magnitude up close. I felt guilty that I was blessed to see the show. I felt proud that despite my reservations, grief, and paralyzing depression that I threw some clothes on and went outside to record the experience. 

It was beautiful but the little person in my life who means more to me than anything was maliciously denied a childhood memory that could have easily have been one of the best days of his life. With tons of more experiences to come.

People say that the biggest achievement is giving birth. After navigating this absolutely unacceptable failure in the child safety welfare system, I beg to differ. Waking up and fighting everyday surviving parental alienation, as a mother who had a natural birth without an epidural, vaginally, I can promise you.

This kind of achievement is not for the weak and I would endure labor than pain of this magnitude.
Everyday I get out of bed feels like an accomplishment. For those getting through this nightmare too, please take the time to appreciate and celebrate small wins.
 

-Moms Unmuted 💜